If I don't eat a cheeseburger I am gonna cry.

No I am serious. Yesterday, I saw a picture of cheeseburger on a menu from Big Daddy's that was left at my office and my mouth and eyes watered. I get emotional over the weirdest things. If I didn't eat that burger I was gonna cry.

I wanted to order delivery that very moment even though I ate just an hour ago. Then I saw the list of milkshakes they make. Oh yeah, I NEEDED a cheeseburger, fries and a strawberry milkshake. Since I knew that it would take too long for the delivery to arrive before I had to see my next patient I decided to go to the restaurant right after work for dinner.

Corey called me an hour after my craving set in. He decided not to train that night at the martial arts studio so we could have some time together (awww!) and asked if I'd like to go get dinner after work.
"YES"! I replied.
"Do you have anything in mind?"
"YES! I need a cheeseburger. Let's go to Big Daddy's."

When we got to the restaurant I order my "Big Daddy Burger". It is a cheeseburger with jack cheese, thick cut bacon, fried onion, lettuce and tomato on a sesame see bun. I also ordered my strawberry milkshake. When the waitress left, Corey asked me if I had brought Lactaid (I am lactose intolerant) to accompany my milkshake.
"Nope."
"How are gonna digest it".
"I don't care. I NEED a strawberry shake."
"Oooh man", he laughs "I am not sleeping next to you tonight!"

The burger came with pickle. I ate the pickle. I loved the pickle. It seemed like it was the best pickle I had ever eaten in my life. I told my husband how much I loved the pickle. Corey bit into his, acknowledged its tastiness and, to his disadvantage, did not eat the whole thing fast enough. My pickle was gone. I could still taste it in my mouth. One hit and I was addicted. I needed more. I was fixated on his pickle. So, I ate it. A few minutes later he wanted another bite of his pickle. As he gazed at his plate completely confused he said"Hey, what happened to my pickle?"
I smiled coyly, "I ate it."
He said, "When?"
"I ate it right in front of your face while we were talking. You saw me."
"Wow. I didn't even see you take it."
Then with urgency I told him,"Baby, when we leave we need to stop by the grocery store and get a jar of pickles."
"They won't be as good as these."
"I don't care."

He was right they are not as good. But still I eat 'em.

Pickles & A Strawberry Shake. Funny people always talk about pregnant women eating pickles and ice cream but let me tell ya, that shit taste'es gooder then a mofo.

I have to pee.

Yeah, I have to pee. Again. And again. All the time. Even if I only have about one ounce of fliud in me, I feel like my bladder is as full as the Puget Sound. If I feel this way now and I am only 12 weeks along what is going to happen when I am in the third trimester?! I will have to strap a porta-potty to my back because I am too proud to wear Depends.

Three weeks ago my midwife, Julie, told me my uterus was the size of a grapefruit. I wonder how big is now because the baby is the size of a lime. I don't like grapefruit. Never have. Too tart. Makes me makes funny faces when I taste it. On the other hand, I dig limes. Wouldn't drink a Corona with out 'em. And use about 4 -6 of 'em to make my famous guacamole.

Uhhm guacamole...

While I was out with my husband (we married this September 8th which is why I have not posted recently- we've been in Tuscany on honeymoon) today I had to pee so badly I ran into a McDonald's to use the bathroom. When I got through the border guards to gain entry into the bathroom I swear I pissed Niagara Falls. But first, in order to be buzzed into the bathroom by the guards we had to buy something. I love MickyD's fries so not only did I buy 'em but I ate 'em too. I am craving potatoes lately. Oh yeah craving pickles too, which I ate yesterday and today...but my cravings are another post...I hate going into McDonald's though. For more information on why I hate spending money there even just on some fries, read the book Fast Food Nation. On the rare desperate occasion that I go in there I always hope that nobody I know sees me in there. Nobody saw me today. Phew.

Anyway, all kinds of strange and embarrassing things are happening with my bladder now thanks to the pressure from my ever growing uterus (sometimes I feel it stretch as it grows). So this morning I wrote this song about my weird embarrassing bladder. It is to be sung to the tune of Frank Zappa's Why Does Hurt When I Pee. The song is from the album Joe's Garage which if you have not heard, you are really missing one the most amazing records of all time and you should stop reading this post, put on something appropriate to wear in public and go buy the album RIGHT NOW and listen to it. Joe's Garage. You'll love it. It's a way of life.

Without further ado, here's my version of the song;

Why do I pee when I sneeze? (repeat 2x)

It runs down my legs, then right on down to my knees.

Why do I pee when I sneeeeeeze?

My uterus is the size of Gibralter (repeat 2x)

The pressure on my bladder makes me need'a go pee in those trees.

Why do I pee when I sneeeeeze? Aigh yaigh yaigh.

Why do I, why do I, why do I peeeeeeee, wheeeeen, I-aigh, sneeeeeeeze?!